UPDATED: While President Alvaro Uribe of Colombia was ringing the opening bell of the New York stock exchange today, his ministers back home were announcing that interest rates would be slashed 50 basis points and nearly a billion more dollars in debt was being repaid. Meanwhile, Colombia’s trade surplus was expanding, tourism was up 19.5%, foreign investment was soaring, banks were lending and remittances were up. Goldman Sachs noted admiringly that Colombia retained a tight fiscal policy despite an election year ahead. The only worry Colombia seemed to have on that day – probably unique in Latin America – was that the currency was unstoppably strong and powering upward against the dollar. (Perhaps Argentina can give them advice.) President Uribe urged already-cheering foreign investors at the NYSE to continue invest in Colombia. Then he gave a classy interview to a trivial-minded TV interviewer, gracefully rising above the man without putting him down.

Meanwhile, President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela had different fish to fry. He began his day by complaining about “his” biggest oil customer, the U.S. consumer, harping about all the gasoline he buys. Possibly stuck in traffic, he also said he was upset about all the one-person cars he saw on New York roads. No doubt, his solution is to pack them into always-reliable Louisiana buses. That wasn’t enough though. He gave a speech at the U.N. on its 60th anniversary, ripping into the United Nations, saying it didn’t work, was ruled by the U.S. (which he called ‘a terrorist state’) and said it should move its headquarters to the Southern Hemisphere, or else, (since Jews rule the world, are you with me?) Jerusalem. He also spent considerable time of his UN address yelling about Pat Robertson. He condemned a major UN reform measure supported by all the world, in a bid to force a vote (and probably start a blacklist, given that his foreign policy consists of shipping cheap oil in exchange for U.N. votes – he is very experienced with blacklists). Other than Cuban dictator Fidel Castro (who also keeps tabs on opponents), he was joined by no one – not one country signed up. Up there on the U.N. podium, he took longer than his allotted five minutes for his speech, saying that since Bush got 20 minutes, he deserves the same. (He took 22, what the hey.)

Then U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan decided he’d had enough of this and asked Chavez to meet with him privately – so he could give him a talking-to. That led Chavez to cancel his speech at Columbia University, leaving that group high and dry. That wasn’t all though. Now, Chavez’s made a fool of himself on Nightline, ranting and raving about death plots against him to an incredulous Ted Koppel. I can’t wait to see the end of this.

No two presidents in history were more unlike each other than Uribe and Chavez. This trip to New York showed it all in glowing relief.